Thursday, April 2, 2026

Easy & Joppa

The Molly Mae was a Jarvis Newman 36 with a 671 Detroit Diesel cranking out 230 HP. Ezekial Brown ordered it in the early 70s after selling his mother’s house. One small problem, his mother was still very much alive, alert and physically fit. In other words, she was perfectly capable of living on her own. However, thanks to Ezekial, she now needed a place to live. So, she moved in with Ezekial’s sister way Downeast in Meddybemps near the New Brunswick border.

Everyone called Ezekial ‘Easy’, which he most definitely was not. His anger, impatience and selfishness were barely contained by his skin. And he lay in wait for any excuse to pounce.

Easy lived on plug tobacco and Allen’s Coffee Flavored Brandy with a splash of milk (some referred to this concoction as Maine’s fertility drink, because it went down smoothly, and lowered inhibitions quickly). Easy supplemented the brandy with raw hotdogs dipped in yellow mustard.

He had a gang of 400 traps, mostly trawl strings of six, with a handful of pairs to fish inside waters when the shedders hit. Easy could catch lobsters. He was high-liner at the Linekin Lobster Pound most years and a close second the rest of the time. He was supposed to be paying his mother back for the house he sold out from under her, but stopped after a few payments, leaving his sister, who he’d been fighting with since childhood, to finance their mother’s care.

Because of his temperament, Easy went through wives and stern men like most fellas go through clean shirts. In late spring that year, wife #4 packed her bags and fled as soon as Easy left to go lobstering one morning. She’d managed to make it through the winter, when most folks thought she’d be gone by the holidays. No one’s heard from her since.

When Molly Mae Pinkham, Easy’s first wife and the boat’s namesake, left him years ago, Easy’s reaction was to cross out her name on the stern of his boat with copper bottom paint and a 4” roller, drips and all.

Easy hauled his boat and gear out just before Thanksgiving, stowing boat & traps on the south side of his property the only level piece on the entire plot. He put everything back in around Easter. Regarding his stern men, Easy went through 2-3 per summer. That is until John Peter Allen showed up after barely surviving a decade on the flats, digging clams & blood worms.

John Peter Allen, the man with three first names, was known to all as Joppa. He was built like an ox and nearly as smart. But this hulk of a man was a kind and forgiving soul and in spite of the tirades and abuse, Easy filled his pockets with cash. They were a matched set, like salt & pepper shakers.

Joppa was a crooner, who loved to sing sad country & western songs and he had a nice voice. On the occasional summer Saturday night (no lobstering on Sundays in the summer), he could be found at the local VFW Hall, ‘sitting in’ with the Flat Tires, a local band playing dances and weddings, as well as Quisiera’s, Bar and Bat Mitzvah along the mid-coast. Joppa liked to share his soft, smooth tenor while folks shook their bones and polished their belt buckles on the dance floor.

Easy & Joppa had a constant dialog which started in the parking lot of the Linekin Lobster Pound each morning, continued throughout the day, and lasted until they returned to respective vehicles in the afternoon. Their conversations weren’t hard to hear as both were rather deaf and Easy was primed with brandy by the time the third string was hauled, cleared, baited and set back in the water. It was one of these exchanges that my cousin and I witnessed north of Tumbler Island on a calm July morning without a breath of wind.

Easy had backed down a bit too hard trying to get as close as possible to Tumbler’s ledges as the lobsters were moving inshore to molt. The shedder season was upon them. When Easy backed down he sucked a buoy and some line into his wheel and they were dead in the water until it was removed. Both were on the transom, one with a gaff, the other with an oar, trying to get the line free. They weren’t making any progress. Easy’s frustration was beginning to ramp up.

Easy, “Joppa, you’re gonna have get in the water and cut that line out of the wheel”

Joppa, “It’s your boat why don’t you go in?”

Easy, “I can’t swim a stroke”

They went back and forth for a few minutes before Joppa acquiesced, removed his boots and oil skins and stripped down to his tighty whitey’s. He looked like pasty 55-gallon drum with arms and legs and bushel basket perched on top. Joppa had a huge head.

Easy was sharpening a knife as Joppa prepped. Joppa got up on the transom, Easy handed him the sharpened knife. Joppa put it in his mouth, Tarzan style and dived into the water. But his form was bad, so when he hit the water he turned his head, stabbing himself in the shoulder and dropping the knife. Easy was not pleased!

Easy, “Now you done it. I don’t have another knife so you’ll have to use the saw. You stay right there”

Easy went forward and returned with an ancient handsaw, so rusted that you might get tetanus just by holding it. Easy handed the saw down to Joppa. 

Easy, “Quit screwing around Joppa, we got a lot a traps to haul and your wasting time!”

Joppa started to reply and stopped. He seemed to understand the futility of arguing with Easy and began maneuvering to get underwater and remove the line. But Joppa was as buoyant as a mooring buoy and no matter what he did, he couldn’t submerge more than a few inches. Easy began swearing, grabbed the oar they’d been using earlier, stood on the transom and started pushing down on Joppa’s back to get him underwater. Joppa thrashed and sputtered. That’s when my cousin started the engine and moved toward the MollyMae (or should I say, ex-Molly Mae) muttering that Easy was going to drown poor Joppa if someone didn’t intercede.

We saved Joppa and offered to cut the line, tow them to the grid in town where he could beach the Molly Mae and get the remaining line out of his wheel at low water. Easy, worn down by the efforts to free his vessel, agreed without much fuss. Now we had to get Joppa back on board, all 300 lbs of him! 

Easy rigged a block to the head of the mast for his riding sail and led a line to his hydroslave for power. He engaged the hydraulics and pulled on the line. He got Joppa almost clear of the water, when the line parted. Joppa made a huge splash as he dropped back in. We tried a few more times to retrieve him, but the old pot warp kept parting and neither Easy nor my cousin had a long enough piece of warp to replace it. Joppa was getting chafed from the line and hit pretty hard against the gunnel with the last attempt. So, we rigged a bridle and towed the big man behind the boat, on a slow bell to the Tumbler Island dock The dock had a ladder. Joppa, looking like an injured beluga, climbed out, a little shaky and banged up from the retrieval attempts, got on our boat and we returned him to the Molly Mae.

We used the same bridle we rigged to tow Joppa and lengthened the towline by tying a couple shorter pieces together. We then towed the Molly Mae to the town dock, maneuvering the vessel over the grid. All they had to do was wait for low water. 

Easy, a huge wad in his cheek, walked up to the grocery store, muttering profanities non-stop, while spitting every few steps. He bought a package of hotdogs, some yellow mustard and a pint of Allen’s Coffee Flavored Brandy to keep him company while he waited.

Joppa dried off, put on some clothes and began to croon.

 

© 2026 Marginal Effort Publishing

Tuesday, March 31, 2026

The Finish Line?

 
“Like a phoenix rising, I have risen from the flames” (1979, Dan Fogelberg) may be a bit dramatic to describe the way I feel, but there is definitely a difference after stopping the hormone deprivation treatment. My numbers are good, but there’s a sliver of trepidation in discontinuing the abiraterone (abby), as it shuts down the corruption that painted me into this corner in the first place. But the wheels were coming off. It was hard to regulate my emotions and the constant threat of breaking a bone was beginning to wear on me.
I’m still taking Lexapro. I started it when I began the cancer treatment. It dampens down the anxiety and depression that have been huge factors in my life. It slows and reduces my reactions to things that would otherwise trigger me, which would send me down a road I no longer wished to travel on. And I am sure that it helps B as much as it helps me.
I’ll continue with the Tamsulosin as it helps me pee (28 sessions of radiation in the swimsuit area can change things). Not to put too fine a point on it, but it could be a while before my libido returns or getting my junk working again. At this point, I’m just glad to have a future.
I talked with B, and we agreed that it was time, so after nearly 20 months of pills, poking and prodding, I messaged my care team and stopped last week, 4.5 months before I was scheduled to do so. I met with my oncologist, just the two of us in a room for 30 minutes, and he supports the decision wholeheartedly. So here I am.
When the cancer returned in 2024, I made quite a few changes to my life; retired 1.5 years early, went vegetarian, started doing more yoga, etc. I missed an opportunity to make those adjustments after purging it from my body in 2013. I’m not missing that chance again. And all it took was the threat of mortality.
I am getting my strength back. I swim a couple times per week. I lift weights a couple times per week. I walk and use yoga poses to stretch every day (I hesitate to say I practice yoga because the prospect of inner piece makes me anxious). And I’m meditating again, which was hard to do when smoking as much weed as I was. I stopped smoking the same day that I stopped the abby. Yesterday we swam in the morning and played tennis in the afternoon. The former is my favorite exercise now, maybe I should have waited a few more weeks before pursuing the latter.
In many ways, I feel like I’m finally getting my shit together. And it’s only taken 65 years! Looking back, I’ve been dog paddling in the deep end, barely surviving since tossing the booze on 12 Oct 86. When my son was in high school, I used to tell him, “Going through life with a bong in one hand and your dick in the other is not a recipe for success. If it was, we’d all be doing it”. That’s advice I should have followed myself. Of course, I am speaking metaphorically about wasting time, which I have done far too much of. Now, my goal is full remission and to fill my life with positivity & peace. With a little luck and effort, I may have balance as well, something I’ve only seen from a distance. Ideally, I have 20 more summers coming. There is a slight possibility that corruption could return in a decade, so I’m not wasting a second.
B is an amazing partner, providing unlimited support and being a sterling example of how to approach life, regardless of its snares and snags. Through her, I am beginning to see the beauty of it all and I want that perspective for myself. I am so lucky to have such a kind, smart and caring human to walk the path with me (come to think of it, maybe I’m walking with her). Prior to our retirement on 1 Jul 24, she worked long days in a demanding job (which she loved, mostly), biking back and forth to Seattle for 20+ years while raising two kids and maintaining a home. We talk about everything, discussing issues and working out solutions together. Although I defer to her judgment in many areas as she’s way smarter than me. There are not enough words in the English language to accurately describe my gratitude for all the things she is and does.
We had to euthanize our sweet little guy, Vinnie last Friday evening. He was a rescue we got during COVID. We’re pretty sure he was feral when Riverside, CA animal control grabbed him. But he settled in quickly and soon carried our hearts around in his 15 lbs. frame. He leaves a huge hole. Thankfully, his brother Fred is still here to provide that canine energy and unconditional love. Pets are the best. Dogs & cats are the “Guardians of Being” (2009 Eckhart Tolle, illustrated by Patrick McDonnell).
Most of the side effects from the meds are still present, GI issues, insomnia, mood swings, hot flashes & body aches, the hot flashes and the body aches being the most prevalent. I’m told it will take 2-4 months to subside. Since the beginning of March, I walk with a slight limp, but I’m still able to walk :)
I’m scheduled for an infusion at Harborview tomorrow morning to help strengthen my bones. Maybe we can stop at the Seattle Art Museum on the way back to the ferry dock. I love standing in a room, stuffed to the rafters with creativity and talent. Doing so grants me a brief reprieve from the shit show we see each day in this country.
Nearly forgot to mention, I was accepted to read my work at the Fisher Poets Gathering in Astoria at the end of Feb. It was an amazing experience. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORY5yDa1PiY&t=11s  
It may sound hokey or cliché, but all things being equal, I am the luckiest man on the planet. Cancer has been an eye opener. I feel truly blessed, as I am learning to know myself and I like what I see. With two decades in front of me, I hope to lean in, be a better human and enjoy the simple things life has to offer.
More to follow…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monday, February 9, 2026

February

I was first diagnosed with prostate cancer in January 2013. It was slow growing so we had time to choose a treatment plan and opted for a naturopath in the Denver, CO area. We packed our juicer and hopped on a plane for 3 weeks of rather intense disruption to my (then) lifestyle choices. Basically, lots of grilled meats, rich sauces, sugary drinks, desserts and junk food or as my partner calls it, a typical American diet. I was overweight but gave little thought as I didn’t drink alcohol (still don’t) or use drugs (I started smoking weed again in 2018 when my f-in-l died, I miss him every day) and I rode my bike 100 miles a week, swam, ran and participated in triathlons and half-marathons. Fortunately, I was cancer-free at the end of that treament and the intervention produced weight loss and a moderate improvement in eating habits. The stress was still there, as was much of the old mind set.

In January 2023 my PSA was elevated and creeping higher. My urologist (at the time) was telling me that active surveillance (monitor and wait) remained an option. That advice nearly killed me as I delayed conventional medical treatment until July of that year. My urologist (at the time) moved her practice, so I had to find a new doctor.

When my new doctor saw the results of my bloodwork, she had a few choice comments for my previous doc and scheduled for an immediate removal of my prostate. We arranged for a CT/PET scan and the results were sobering; the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes. The new doc was freaked out by the scan results and had trouble communicating effectively at our appointment. Basically, we left with no referrals for treatment and from her conversation, I thought I was going to die within the next couple of years. So, shit got real in a hurry.

We retired immediately, both from long-tenured jobs that we enjoyed (I still had 1.5 years until my planned retirement) and we lived off savings until Dec 2025 when I qualified for Medicare, SS and could draw my state retirement without penalty.

Back to the diagnosis, we cold-called Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center and I burst into tears when they said they could help, even without a referral. They set up appointments and for the next six weeks, while waiting to meet the first doctor on my new care team, I was still thinking I had a couple years left until my “pull date”, so I’d better make the best of it.

We took the time to get closer than we’d ever been. It was terrifying and magical at the same time. I’m not saying that I’d like to relive those moments, but I am grateful that we took advantage of the situation.

I don’t sleep a lot these days, not that I ever did. I get up 3-4 times each night to pee. The hormone deprivation treatment comes with its own bag of tricks: insomnia, hot flashes, headaches, body aches, low energy, and gastrointestinal issues. In addition, having no libido for the first time in my life is different but somewhat refreshing. I can focus on things beyond the desire I have for my partner. However, the mental/emotional conditions are at a level which I could never have imagined. It seems to take the mania within me, magnify it and deliver it back exponentially harder to resolve. So, the depression I’ve dealt with for most of my adult life, presents like it’s on steroids.

At this point my mind continually hijacks my body to places I do not want to go, and pushes me to surrender, to acquiesce to the darker side of my psyche. For the past four months the concept of suicide has been front and center. The likelihood that I’ll act on it is miniscule, but it’s there. Too bad that metal health is so stigmatized, because if I were to say that to a mental health expert, they’d probably lock me up for my own protection, versus taking the time to figure out the context of the issue within the framework of my life.

Since starting treatment 18 long months ago, my body has not felt like my own. The experts tell me that it’ll take another 9 months to feel like myself, six more months for treatment and another three months to deplete the drugs from my system. So basically, this time next year I should be normal, whatever that means, regardless, we are going to celebrate.

One of the gifts received since metastatic prostate cancer was diagnosed is the desire to simplify my existence and take advantage of the opportunity to really dig into my life and reimagine my priorities. A positive outlook is requisite to successful treatment. So, I am leaning hard into the half-full glass concept and would buy a round for all, if needed. I am examining the times in my life (when I was happy) for patterns that I can replicate and use as I move forward. And while my childhood was complicated by the relationship of my parents, the bully and the book worm, it’s hard to unlearn those early lessons. I had lots of positive influences as a child and young man, in addition to the trials and tribulations one can expect, some typical, others not so much.

I remain dedicated to positivity, connection and the pursuit of happiness, as cliché as it sounds. Realistically speaking, I have 10 years (8.5 now) before this monster comes roaring back for me. And I may not outrun it in 2033. The best case, I have 20 summers left and don’t intend to waste a second.

As I sit here on the lanai, staring out the ocean, geckos skitter and birds swoop and the coconut palms sway, with the ocean as a backdrop. We are on a slow bell for the next few days as the weather is marginal, but it doesn’t dictate our mood. The Hawks won yesterday, the Olympics are on as TV’s biggest and best inspirational moment (there are no quitters in the Olympic Village). We lay in each other’s arms at night as we drift off to sleep, and wake to cuddle, talk and share our dreams and fears without judgment. We don’t resent the clouds or showers forecasted. Instead, we look for the adventure and opportunity that awaits us.

More to follow…


Noise

Does the din of the world

Fuel the noise in my head?

Or do the sounds in my mind

Leak into the ether,

Adding to the thoughts and prayers 

Of others, increasing

The cacophony of the cosmos?

What if all the noise in the universe

Could be silenced, for just one minute?

Would I bask in the peacefulness 

Or lament the loss of a soundtrack

To all this beauty?

 

© 2025 Marginal Effort Publishing