End of February

 

Great News!

Most recent check-in at Fred Hutch yielded a PSA of 0.11, which means the treatment is working. We are over the moon!!!!The past few months have been mostly unseasonably cold days, lots of layers when we go outside. It’s back to our normal weather patterns as of last week. The days are getting longer, I’ve been outside on my bike and the 300 or so bulbs we planted last fall are popping through for a peek. And we moved the rack, trays, pots and lights to the dining room, preparing to start our veggies from seed. It’s the beginning of our busy time which builds gradually until May, when we scramble to finish getting everything in the ground, then the pace slows to a steady rhythm until the veggies and berries start showing up in mid-July and we start eating and processing. Long days outside with lots of activity, and the company of "The Boys', aka, our dogs. Who could ask for more?

Veg Club resumed in February, our online gardening classes that we started when I worked at the library. The library has since discontinued the partnership. We found a local preparedness organization that is awesome. We are grateful to them for their support, values and community connectedness. And I love working with our Veg Club host. She’s knowledgeable, experienced and positive. You can find our YouTube channel, Kitsap Veg Club.

I’ve been writing quite a bit, both in my journal and composing poems. I wake quite early most mornings as I’ve not slept well since September and have a constant headache to boot. Nothing unmanageable, mostly just the side-effects from the meds I’m taking. I like to use the time to read, write and hang with Freddy, one of our dogs. I think he worries about me so he gets up and joins me on the couch in the mornings. Which brings an issue: if spell check, arguably a simple form of AI, is so horribly inefficient, e.g., not able to recognize ‘morning’ if letters are transposed or one is missing, is it a good idea to slowly cede the control of the world to artificial intelligence? I digress.

I’ve been enjoying quite a few great reads;

Goodbye to Clocks Ticking by Joseph Monninger, a memoir from a man whose terminal cancer diagnosis came 4 days after retirement. It’s a spare, simple and lyrical account of someone who has come to terms with his situation, sensed his priorities and is making the best of what he has left. It is hard to put down.

The Seven Moons of Maali Almeida by Shehan Karunatilaka, the tale of a war photographer of the 1990s civil war in Sri Lanka. It’s told from the perspective of his dismembered body looking for closure. Absolutely brilliant!

And a lot of poetry, The works of Ross Gay (Book of Delights, Catalog of unabashed Gratitude), Michele Bombardier (What We Do), and a few collections with poems of hope and gratitude from Story Publishing.

 

Lots of hockey to enjoy on TV. I’ve seen a couple of Kraken games with my good friend Larry. We both grew up in Maine, but didn’t meet until he moved to the island a while back. We know a lot of the same people, have similar childhood experiences and it seems like we’ve known each other forever. He’s a generous soul and I love hanging out with him.

Went to Smash Putt (Google it), I can say that it’s an unusual approach to mini-golf that has to be experienced. We went with our dear friends K&K, followed by one of the best Thai meals I’ve ever had!!! I love spending time with them, they’re positive, bright, warm, connected people who always have interesting and fun things to do. And they’re the closest we have to family (while not actually be related by blood or law) in the Pac NW.

 

Both dogs have been to the vet recently, not something they enjoy. Vinnie has some stuff going on and Fred is getting his teeth cleaned. Those furry little turd droppers bring us unlimited joy with their love and antics, plus taking them for walks gets us outside. We are so grateful that they live here.

 

And I have a couple of poems to share. One a Valentine for Berit, the most amazing human I know, and one for my father. You can figure out which is which.

More to follow…

 

Coda

If I should fall from thee,

Do not weep, for I have led

An interesting & fruitful life.

Celebrate my fortune

To have lived so well

Surrounded by caring people.

 

If I should fall from thee,

Know that I had purpose & value,

With friends I depended on

And those who depended on me,

That I cherished time with family

And was lifted by their love.

 

If I should fall from thee,

Be happy that I experienced

The warm closeness

Of a kind & gentle soul

Who blessed me with her trust,

Asking only for what I could give.

 

If I should fall from thee,

Embrace the opportunity of each day.

Know the tranquility of acceptance,

Revel in the gift of gratitude

And the release of forgiveness,

As I am not sure that I ever did.

 

If I should fall from thee,

Take pleasure in the hesitance of snowflakes,

The damp whispers of a foggy morning,

And a flash of green as the sun bids adieu,

For I am amidst stardust

With those who have gone before.

Marginal Effort Publishing

 

 

 

Hazel Smile

I wake to your hazel smile

And am released

From the worry and weariness.

A conversation, a caress, a cuddle, a kiss

Brings a closeness that,

Before you, did not exist.

In you I feel the beauty of the world,

The calm, the openness, the kindness,

And I want it for myself.

You are grace personified

And I am grateful

Beyond expression.

Love,

J

Marginal Effort Publishing

 

February '25

 

Cold and clear at 0545 today, 29 degrees. The boys barked at the door and ventured into the backyard without hesitation. I balked and made coffee in the warm kitchen.

I’ve been reading and writing in the mornings, when no one is stirring. It’s quiet. I like to be up to greet the sun when it arrives. Fred joins me. I think he worries about me. He’s a great friend. We were lucky to find him among the discarded dogs the lesser of humanity cast aside.

I’ve been reading ‘Goodbye to Clocks Ticking’ by Joseph Monninger. It’s beautiful. He has a spare style, honest and clear. I discovered him in this month’s Downeast Magazine. It’s not an easy read, but for those of you who dare to venture in, you’ll be rewarded with the story of someone whose path turns unexpectedly, forcing a hard look at life and a restructuring of priorities.

I bought a few poetry books at Eagle Harbor Book Co. on Monday, ‘A Happy Poem to Start Every Day’, ‘I Sing the Salmon Home’, and ‘The Path to Kindness’ which is by the same publisher who did ‘How to Love the World’. I haven’t been sleeping well. I get up frequently to pee and I have a lot of wild dreams, intense and vivid, not restful. It could be the meds. I was hoping some positive poetry would help.

Last night I dreamed of hanging out with puppies at an animal rescue in a Cascade Mountains, whistlestop, logging town. My partner and s-in-l Lisa were with me. Maybe the poetry is helping, but then again, I got so involved with my day yesterday that I forgot to take my after-breakfast meds. I’ve only missed a dose one time, not bad for an old geezer.

Still training for the Chilly Hilly at the end of the month. It’s 33 miles of island hills in the cold, hence the name of the ride. Like the Chicago song, 'I’m feeling stronger every day', so hope to make the ride and finish.

Check-up, bloodwork and a Lupron injection next week, the first since I finished radiation. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about it. The Hutch has the best of everything, so that dampens the anxiety a bit. And my partner will be with me. Her calming confidence and we-got-this attitude helps me stay on track and moving forward and most importantly, stay grounded. It’s hard to describe what her support means to me. It transcends words and always fills me with tears of gratitude when I try. Not sure why I continue to play the lotto as I won it when I met her!

I’m volunteering once again with the island’s preparedness group, a generous and kind collective of dedicated folks. And I’m still helping with gardening classes online with my friend Carol. Here’s a link to our latest class https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_FRUpNOzDI

And my wonderfully talented b-in-l (and amazing human) Sam Bergquist recently composed and uploaded a great tune on YouTube, ‘Lucky’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2rPtK97x6U It's a heartfelt tribute to his dad and my father-in-law, another amazing human. Please be sure to like and comment as it supports Sam in his efforts and will keep him composing and uploading more great tunes.

More to follow…

 

 

The Boys

One rests off watch by the woodstove,  

So close you need oven mitts to pick him up.

The other stands sentinel.

His tower atop the back of the couch,

Waiting, watching & listening.

Don’t mistake the focus & intent,

For calm and patience, he will pounce.

They are rescues 4 & 5 aka, The Boys.

Curious & cautious, suspicious of squirrels,

And loud black birds, and worm-steeling birds, and flittering birds,

Actually, any birds,

And gravity-defying cyclists,

And little ones being pushed in strollers, or carried in packs

And fast cars, and cars with roof-top carriers,

And big trucks, and loud trucks, and trucks with trailers,

Actually, any trucks,

And the brown and the blue vans,

What are they thinking,

Leaving their junk on the porch.

Sound the alarm at the slightest provocation,

Better safe than sorry.

The world can be scary when you’re the size of a loaf of bread.

The Boys are in charge of security,

Because humans just don’t know.

Greeting the day with yawns & stretches,

Soft bellies beckon a rub.

Nearly hiding behind a kitchen chair to avoid a rainy-day walk.

Couch napping, sun seeking, toy chewing, floor wresting,

Ball chasing, turd dropping, snack snatching cuties,

One jumps, twirls, whines & growls,

While the other waits & watches from his ‘place’

As slow humans fix doggie dinner.

They love dog loaf, kibble, flax seed, and pumpkin,

Shredded carrot or sliced cabbage or chopped broccoli, always.

Maybe sardines or leftover salmon or halibut, yum.

And treats, lots of treats.

Spa Day is not so bad.

The warm wet, the smelly suds,

The cuddle in a towel, and the hot, blowing air

From that loud thing, noisy and scary,

But oh, that hot, blowing air…

Humans are nice, especially the smaller one,

Who smells good and speaks softly.

Like pre-pubescent boys, rescues 4 & 5 are living contradictions,

Tough shells, filled with fragile tenderness and love.

8 Feb 25  John Fossett  Marginal Effort Publishing Co.